You Give to Me

I've waited so long
to feel like this
So much more
Than just one kiss

Heart outstretched
Senses engaged
The fire within
Starting to Rage

I convince myself
I'll be happy
No matter what
The event

That the time
spent with you
Is all
That was meant

To get through
This time
Is harder than it seemed
I ask myself
What can be?

I want to be happy
Safe and secure
I want to be loved
When it seems
there is none

I want to sit with the hand
of my true love so dear
As we rock on the porch
in our retirement years

I want to plan
Live, Love
and Strive
With someone so kind,
Wonderful
And caring
By my side

I know what it means now
I can see it so clear
To be here with you
Was what I had feared

You've taken it away
This fear down inside
I know I can be loved
And want it for my life

So even if
It cannot be you
The memories will
keep shining through

Because you have shown me
What love's all about
The truth of my heart
That was dying to get out

You've set me free
From my guilt and
My shame
You've opened me completely
I'll never be the same

Peaceful Talula

As summer winds down and I reflect on this relaxing place I've been in, I feel really great. I was really dreading the time my kids were going to be gone. But now that im over three weeks in and I am really enjoying myself. I can't wait for them to get back and I miss them terribly, but I've been able to get a lot of things done. I have a whole bunch more to do but I'm not worried about getting it done.

In other news, my blog is a month away from its year anniversary. Its amazing to me how much my life has changed in the past year. I'm definitely at the point now where I want things to level off and stay the same for a little while. Change is great when needed but consistency is key to a happy Talula. I had a customer at the restaurant I'm waitressing at ask me if I bought a new house when I sold my old one last night. (Damn this town is too small.) I said no and she looked at me very puzzled. So I tried to get out as quick as I could by letting her know that it was a divorce. She looked at me with a look of "ooh you poor thing" and said, "Don't worry you'll have another one someday." I'm thinking to myself, no kidding lady but thanks that comment helped me get through the day so much better. So I said I know I will and I'm very happy now. I'm so horrible when strangers ask me personal questions, I don't want to be rude but at the same time I don't want to tell them things either. At my old job it was easier. We were told to lie to our customers about who we were if we had to sell the crap they were selling. I didn't at first but as I needed more money I began stretching the truth more and more. That's one of the reasons I had to leave. I hated who I was becoming. But now I can't even pretend not to tell my costumers anything but the truth because they are all repeat customers and its a very small town. So this is taking a little adjusting on my part. I just hate telling people I'm divorced because I think they automatically assume im a bitter lady.

Working Puter!!!!

Thank you thank you puter for working finally!!

Everything is really great with me everyone, school is going well, I am enjoying my time without my babies although I am missing them terribly, my good friends are making sure I am never too lonely though ;). At this point they have been gone a little over 2 weeks and I am dying to just hug them! I still have another 4 weeks, I am not sure if I can make it. My friends are bound to get sick of me eventually. Its weird for me because I have NEVER lived competely by myself before. So having this time is a little eye opening for me. Overall I think it will be a treasured experience.

I have a bit of a block in my poetry. I have a certain reoccuring theme running through my head right now and I am not sure how to get it all down. So I am stirring it up a bit, putting it in a blender and it should be puree by the end of this week.

Cloud

Walking through the fog
of Our dimly lit sky
I see You stare at Me
longing to be free
intertwined lovers
wrestle for the cause
broken heart strings in the air
in front of Us She stares
Her eyes illuminate the world around
of what We were scared
We now are bound
She walks slightly sinking into the mist
beckoning to Us, We cannot resist
following, We tread in Her path
there is nothing before Us
and no turning back
We hold each other tightly
I feel You breathe
walking for stars
sunk in to Our knees
She stops before Us and turns
Her eyes are of fire
Her lips are oceans
hair of flowers
skin of emotion
We stand before Her
taking Her in
She washes over Us
removing our sin
rising, we are now on our feet
Her hands stretch before us
we fall through trees, rock and earth
to the place where we meet

Last Day...

Its the last day of school today for my babies. I am so excited for their summer. Froggy has a game tonight and my work schedule has changed. Everything is becoming a little clearer these days. I've been afraid to write too much about it for fear it may change. Me and my silly superstitions. We are doing well now, poor but happy and very well.

Air

taste the air tonight
bittersweet dreams
embracing you
clouds beneath my feet
the long time memories
faded to dust
glistening moments
of fiery lust
standing before me
i take your hand
i remember at once
this strong passioned man

hard to see you
harder to know
the love inside me
can never show
keep it hidden
lock the key
far away
for none to see

ice crystals form
around the black room
sinking inside
impending doom
i wrestle before you
my mouth quakes
so much to say
can't make a mistake

its up to me know
to hold strong and fast
i know the secret
to making it last
the air thicker now
hard to move
but i know somehow
what to do

stand before you
slivered and shaved
branches stripped
leaves fallen away
wait for your glance
that tells me to speak
tender, mild, meek
speak lightly
and travel well
my words of emotion
lost in the well
that same dark room
i locked with a key
scraped my dirty salty knees
bleeding for me
i let you in
the truth is now free
lost in my sin

Dance with me

grab me from the waist
aching for your taste
close my eyes
moving in
feeling you
on my skin
big blue eyes
grabbing my soul
chewing it
swallowing whole

twist me
swing around
flying off the ground
pull me closer
embrace my lips
engulf my tongue
clench my hips

Chili Peppers Baby

Man I am completely enthralled with the new Chili Peppers album. If you are a fan or ever were you have to get it. Its such a must! Its two disks so its double the pleasure and its worth the money and then some. TO me the Chilis have been getting better and better with every album. I compare their evolution to the Stones. From funk to blues, rap to rock there is no stopping this ultimate American experience. Check it out I promise you wont be disappointed.

Birthday Weekend OMFG

Wow...what a freakin weekend...

I turned 31 on Saturday and man did I celebrate. Last year was a bad birthday so I had much to make up for and I did. Friday I went to see my friend's band play at my local hang. It was awesome! I took my crazy self and crazier gf... we rocked our socks off and then some, hehe. When I finally got home at 10 in the morning I was still feelin it.

I took my babies to see Over the Hedge
They loved it! It was a great satirical comedy for us liberals too, hehe.

Then I went out again. My best friend McHenry dude joined me for a celebration at the local pub. It was tame but wonderful all the same. A night of talk and booze, my fav.

Then it was Sunday... I went out again. I haven't been out three nights in a row in over 5 years at least. This time I went out to eat in Schaumburg, dancing at Alumni Club and closed down the Cadillac Ranch. My legs still feel awesome.

Monday my family had a cookout for me. We played with water balloons and ate burgers. Then a friend of mine stopped by.

I must tell you this was the best birthday I can remember. I got to spend time with friends, family, play with my babies and drink till i was stupid. I am so glad this only happens once a year, I need a nap. Thank you everyone that came out! I really enjoyed myself.

Go Mama!!

I just read that my Mama got her job!!! Congrats!!

I am soo happy for you! Kissies and hugs XXXoooXXXX

Wisdom Tree

Deep are you through the grass
allowing travelers to pass
tripping but a few on their path
shading those you chose
colorful for those you love
steady for those that move
strong for the weary
shelter for the brave
peace and isolation
in times of meditation
Dancing sunlit faces
of children that take their places
Beneath you gathers the rain
helping them through the pain
you soak it in for your own
they see how you have grown
barefoot and running
they leave your shade
your leaves are turning
and starting to fade
snow covered branches
hide the magnificent site
the next season to reveal
with its warm welcomed light

Sammich

Jelly covered smile
Looks up from her plate
Peanut Butter fingers
are hard to mistake

She reaches for me
eyes smiling
Table
chair
wall
couch
outstreched arms
of wisdom tree

Star

Center around
the blank expression
of youthless faces
lost and found

light the path
of existence
for those to walk through
who have eaten your light
and felt your sound

mark the passage of time
with a little grey sign
your love is light
and you are found